Silent Churches
Church grew silent
after you died,
I felt I could hear a pin drop.
Online sermons and outdoor congregation.
brought preachers with words I couldn’t hear
sermons sounded muffled.
No breaking of the bread,
no faces that seem friendly enough
to break bread with.
Churches felt silent to me
I could not hear God in the palms
nor in the homily.
Mouthing prayers my voice made no sound.
After you died,
I felt God leave my church
I could not tell if He left because He could,
or because He was asking me to follow him.
Wherever He is leading me
I hope I hear a voice soon
I’m sitting in a church
surrounded by congregates
but I hear no sound.
Cathedral in St.Paul
I took you in my heart
to Saint Paul,
It had been years since I stepped foot
in a church
guarded by the Vatican.
I took you to Saint Paul,
on my knees
as I lit a candle
I knew you’d never been this far West before.
The statues looked at me
with eyes not glazed with stone,
but of knowing.
Knowing I was far away from home
carrying those on my heart
I don’t know how long the candle for you will stay alit,
or if you felt a pulling.
Pulling you through the large wooden doors
or maybe the stained-glass windows.
I took you to Saint Paul.
So, I didn’t feel quite so alone.
Angels and Broken Teeth
Broken teeth
broken from grinding.
Grinding on the heads of angel statues
looking for faith drowning in reality.
Plummeting into water you can’t swim in
when you’re being baptized
while reality encase your ankles in cement.
Hoping for a dove to fly overhead
capsized now decapitated,
life serving you on a silver platter.
I pray to deities
that I don’t pay homage to in times of crisis
unfamiliar altars feel safer.
Safer than knowing
I’d be let down by my God yet again.
I am at a pulpit
screaming at empty pews
I wonder what restitution lies ahead
I wonder about those who were born in houses
already set aflame
who don’t get prayers answered like mine.
Are we neighbors?
I can’t tell if this heaviness I feel
is from ingesting smoke or if it’s water pouring in my lungs
from drowning during baptism.
Bows and Arrows
I am dusting off the walls
Of the temple neglected
Juno I'd like to apologize
I have no idolatries
Of love but a simple apology
I am not bowing at your alter
But I have slit the throat
Of cupid
His aim
Shot lovers for me
Who only shot me back
Not with passion or love
With emptiness
And yearning
For what love really was
Juno I have confession
I can see why you the god of marriage
And the god of love
Are separate entities
You are not the same thing
Dear Juno I should have been leaving flowers for you
Instead of letting a man
Decide who should love me
This is an apology
I have strapped on his bow
I am no longer waiting
I am sitting
Aiming
For a women with flowers in her eyes
Bow ready in hand
Dear wife I promise when the arrow hits you
The blood on the bow is not mine or yours
I have fought the gods to find you.
Janus
A devotional at your mercy
Two headed deity of new beginnings
Tarot card readings show me a card named
“ the world”
Meaning
A beginning of an era
The ending of an age
A metamorphosis of time
Which has brought me here
I come to you
Broken bones
Heart to weary to beat
On an alter
Of broken teeth from the bodies of people who
Mouthed words of love
That wronged me
allow me safe passage
Into the new year
I am weary
This past year has not been kind
I am burning love notes
I am reading omens
Burring magic jars
From witches
Who I gave my heart to
Janus
I ask for safe passage,
Let the love they could
Not give me be the last thing of 2020 to hurt me
Let those who sow seeds of erroneous yearning
That poisoned the soil in my rib cage
Dear Janus
Let flowers grow again
Celestial Moonlight
Daughter of Hyperion and Theia
Selene goddess of the moon
We have not been formally introduced
Dear Luna
Only prayed too you once
When I felt my god folly
Prayed to you when you were at your brightest
I can’t say I follow you
Broke bread for you
Bow beneath your alter
Worship you
But you who
make the ocean tides rage
Distraughts the hearts and minds of man
Selene
Daughter of Titans
I have Only prayed to you once
Because I knew who I was praying for
Was looking up at you too
I don’t know if you grant wished or prays
To non worshipers
Those who don’t bask beneath your beams
But I know that you
Bend the hearts of man
So I plead as an acolyte
In this moonlight prayer to hear me
Though I wonder
Do you make the tides rage for you
For your own pleasure of chaos?
Or do they do it willingly
Selene,
Do you grant wishes?
The tides inside me fear for the worst
Euphrosyne and Aphrodite
Euphrosyne and Aphrodite
I pledge an idolatry
To the goddesses
Of happiness and love
To a mortal
Living a life without glimmer
To slay the Barrett Beast
Dear goddess
I have been having dreams
I can’t pull apart
If my nightmares are irrational
Or premonitions
Omens of the future
I stand in a church
Empty
Vacated by its practitioners
Veil nestled in my hair
In a white dress
Awaiting my faceless bride
Where a wedding won’t take place
I approach the alter
Awaiting to be loved
Dear goddess this Barret best
An enemy of women
Has vowed to strip me of rights
Conversation therapy
Lay at the tip
Of this basslets tongue
Dear goddesses
I approach this alter
Not as a brideless bride
But as an offering
For you to slay
The Barrett beast
Lay what would have been on bouquet
On her grave
And let her Epitaph read
“Slayin by the goddess she wronged “